Growing up in Nigeria, I’ve seen many cultural and societal influences that shape how children view themselves. As a parent now, it’s vital for me to reflect upon these experiences and make conscious decisions that will empower my children and not deflate their confidence. Today, I want to share with you some insights that I believe can make a significant difference in your child’s self-esteem.
1. The Danger of Disrespect in Public Spaces
Imagine this: you’re having a conversation with your friends, and in the middle of it, someone interrupts you, ridicules your opinion and makes you feel small. How would you feel? Embarrassed? Disrespected? Now, put yourself in your child’s shoes. It’s an ordinary day; they are playing with their friends, sharing stories, and suddenly, you call them out, scold them, or belittle them in front of everyone. Such actions can severely damage a child’s confidence.
In our culture, it’s sometimes common to see parents correct their kids openly, especially when they want to set an example. But here’s the thing – children remember. They remember that feeling of shame, that piercing stare from their friends, and that lump in their throat. It stays with them.
I’ve seen this firsthand with my nephews and nieces. One time, one of them made a mistake, and instead of being corrected privately, they were reprimanded openly in front of their friends. The impact was immediate – their lively spirit dimmed, and they became more reserved.
2. Overprotection: A Double-Edged Sword
As Nigerian parents, our instinct is often to shield our children from harm’s way. We’re like lionesses, protective and fierce. But, sometimes, we need to step back and let them experience life, even if it means they might get hurt.
You see, instead of always being a wall in front of them, blocking every potential danger, we should aspire to be a cushion behind them. A cushion that’s there to soften the fall, should they stumble. By doing this, we give them room to explore, make mistakes, learn, and grow.
I recall when my younger sister, Mariam, expressed a desire to start a small pharmacy business in Kwara State. My immediate thought was, “It’s a huge responsibility. You’re a nursing mother; perhaps consider waiting until your baby is 2 years old.” However, I soon remembered that I should be her support, not an obstacle. Today, that her small pharmacy business is doing fine, and more importantly, it has fostered a strong sense of responsibility and business savvy in her.
3. The Myth of People Pleasing
Many of us grew up with the notion that we should always keep everyone around us happy. But, is it realistic? More importantly, is it healthy?
Instilling in our children the idea that they must please everyone can be detrimental to their self-worth. They might start measuring their worth based on others’ approval. Confidence, my friends, can never sprout from people-pleasing. It comes from knowing oneself, understanding one’s value, and standing firm in one’s beliefs.
In Closing…
Building a child’s confidence is a journey, not a destination. And on this journey, it’s the little things we do or don’t do that leave lasting impressions. Let’s strive to uplift their spirits, give them room to grow, and remind them that it’s okay not to please everyone.
Thank you for staying with me till the end of this piece. I genuinely appreciate you taking out the time to hear my thoughts. Together, let’s nurture the next generation with the confidence they need to conquer their dreams.
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