See, while growing up on Lagos Island, my childhood was filled with moments of feeling left out and ignored. Many times, even as a young kid around 6 or 8, I’d find myself lost among so many people. The big city made me feel small and alone. There were times I ended up in places I didn’t know, and all I had to get back home was the address of our family house, which I remembered by heart. Good people would often help me find my way home. But coming home wasn’t just about finding my house; it reminded me of the loneliness I felt inside because my family wasn’t emotionally and physically there for me.
Despite the shadows of my past, I chose resilience. I navigated the complexities of my emotions, confronting the ramifications of my childhood abandonment head-on. Through trials and tribulations, I worked relentlessly to mend the broken pieces of my psyche. Today, fortified by my experiences and the lessons they brought, I want to use my story and the lessons I learned to help others who might be going through the same thing.
Recognizing the Scars of Neglect
Childhood neglect is a silent tormentor. Unlike physical scars which are visible, the emotional and psychological scars of neglect are hidden, often buried deep within. Many who’ve endured this kind of pain can attest to its lingering effects. The world may see a person who looks perfectly fine on the outside, but inside, there’s a turmoil that’s constantly churning.
It’s crucial to remember that these emotional scars are valid. You might have been told to “get over it” or that “it’s in the past.” But these dismissals only belittle the real trauma experienced. Recognizing and validating your feelings is the first step toward healing.
The Journey to Self-awareness
Healing starts with self-awareness. Understanding the depth of one’s feelings and recognizing the sources of pain can be enlightening. Journaling is a great tool for this. Writing down thoughts and emotions can unearth suppressed memories and feelings.
Additionally, being self-aware helps in acknowledging one’s worth. Every individual deserves love, care, and respect. If these were lacking in childhood, it’s never too late to give them to oneself. Remember, the first step to healing is realizing there’s a wound.
Building Emotional Resilience
Resilience isn’t about forgetting or ignoring the pain; it’s about learning to live with it, manage it, and move forward. It’s about creating a life that isn’t defined by past traumas but is informed by them. This means accepting the past, understanding its influence on the present, and making conscious choices for a brighter future.
Surrounding oneself with positive influences, be it supportive friends, engaging in uplifting activities, or seeking therapy, can provide the strength to move ahead. While the journey might be long and fraught with challenges, the destination—a healed and whole self—is worth the effort.
Reclaiming Self-worth
Neglect, especially during formative years, can erode self-worth. Many grow up believing they are undeserving of love, care, or attention. However, self-worth isn’t determined by external validation or the lack thereof during childhood. Every individual, by virtue of being human, is worthy of love, respect, and care.
It’s essential to actively work on rebuilding this sense of self-worth. Celebrate small victories, set boundaries, and prioritize self-care. Remember, your worth isn’t negotiable or determined by others; it’s innate and unchanging.
The Role of Community in Healing
When lost in the vastness of a bustling city, it’s the people around us who often show the way. Kind strangers, supportive friends, or even fleeting interactions can play a significant role in the healing process. Every act of kindness reinforces the belief that the world is not devoid of care. This serves as a stark contrast to the feeling of neglect, proving that connections can be made, even in the most unexpected places.
However, while these external factors play a pivotal role, the onus of initiating healing still lies within. Accepting this duality—of seeking external support while working on internal healing—is the key to a balanced recovery.
Understanding the Power of Vulnerability
It’s easy to hide behind walls, especially when life has taught that showing vulnerability might lead to more pain. However, embracing vulnerability can be transformative. When we open up about our traumas, not only do we unburden ourselves, but we also give others the permission to share their stories.
This shared experience can foster deeper connections, dispelling feelings of loneliness. It reminds us that we’re not alone in our struggles, and there’s immense strength in collective healing. Being vulnerable, in essence, can be a powerful first step towards reclaiming our narrative.
The Importance of Self-compassion
While we often extend compassion to others, directing it towards oneself can sometimes be challenging. Self-compassion entails treating oneself with the same kindness, concern, and understanding that we’d offer a dear friend. It’s a recognition that everyone, including oneself, is deserving of patience and love.
By practicing self-compassion, one can navigate the tumultuous waters of past traumas with more ease. It offers a gentle reminder that healing isn’t linear, and it’s okay to seek comfort and solace within oneself when the journey gets tough.
Reconnecting with Inner Child
The traumas of childhood abandonment can often create a disconnect with one’s inner child. This leads to a lost sense of wonder, joy, and spontaneous happiness that children often exhibit. Taking time to reconnect with that lost child can be a therapeutic journey in itself.
Engaging in activities that once brought joy, or even simple acts like watching old cartoons, can rekindle that bond. This isn’t about reverting to childhood but about embracing its purity and innocence to aid the healing process.
Transforming Pain into Purpose
Every individual’s experience with trauma is unique. However, what’s common is the potential to transform this pain into purpose. By channeling the lessons learned from adversities into meaningful actions, one can find a renewed sense of purpose in life.
Whether it’s through writing, speaking, mentoring, or any other form of expression, sharing one’s story can have a ripple effect. It can inspire others on their healing journey, turning personal pain into a beacon of hope for many.
Seeking Professional Help
There’s no shame in seeking professional help. Therapy provides a safe space to explore feelings, confront traumas, and devise coping strategies. A trained therapist can offer guidance, tools, and perspectives that might be challenging to find on one’s own.
It’s a sign of strength to seek help. Recognizing the need for external support and taking steps to get it is commendable. While friends and loved ones can offer comfort, professional intervention can pave a structured path to healing. If you’re in need of a professional therapist, I can recommend my therapist. She’s a renowned one, and I can vouch for her. She helped me through the phase of complete healing. You can write me at [email protected] to connect with her.
Conclusion
Life’s journey, with its amalgamation of joys and sorrows, molds us into the individuals we become. While the scars of the past may leave an indelible mark, they don’t have to dictate our future. With resilience as our compass and hope as our guide, we can chart a course towards healing, self-discovery, and growth. Remember, it’s not about erasing the chapters of our past but about penning a narrative filled with strength, love, and boundless possibilities.
Copyright © 2023, Omonaiye Ola.
All rights reserved. This material and other digital content on this website may not be reproduced, published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed in whole or in part without prior express written permission from me.