There’s a saying in Nigeria, “It takes a village to raise a child”. We’re a tight-knit community that believes in the shared responsibility of nurturing our younger generation. However, as a parent, there’s a unique relationship you cultivate with your child that’s irreplaceable. Today, I want to share some insights on how I’ve learned to earn my kids’ respect without imposing it on them. Let’s quickly delve deep…
1. Walking the Path of Mutual Respect
Now, when we talk about respect, it’s not a one-way street. If we expect our children to respect us, We must show them the same courtesy. How? By acknowledging their feelings, opinions, and thoughts. When they come to us with a problem or a story, let’s listen intently. It’s essential to understand that even though they’re younger, their feelings are as valid as ours. This mutual exchange establishes a foundation of trust and respect.
In our culture, elders are often revered. And while that’s valuable, let’s not forget that respect shouldn’t be demanded but earned. If you wish for them to confide in you, show them that you value their trust and respect their confidentiality.
2. Why I Say No to Shouting
We’ve all been there. It’s been a long day, you’re tired, and your patience is wearing thin. And just then, your child does something that pushes you over the edge. But, before you raise your voice, think of this: shouting is often a manifestation of our frustrations, not an effective communication tool.
When we shout, it can scare or intimidate our children, leading to a gap in our relationship. It may fetch momentary compliance, but in the long run? It damages the bond we share with them. Instead, I’ve found that taking a deep breath, stepping back, and addressing the issue calmly yields better results. Communication is key, my people!
3. Threats: A Temporary Fix, Not a Solution
“Finish your food, or you won’t watch TV tonight!” Sounds familiar, right? Threats might seem like a quick fix, but they aren’t a solution. When we use threats, our kids might comply out of fear and not understanding. They might even start hiding things from us to avoid these threats, leading to a lack of transparency.
Instead, explain the consequences of their actions. For instance, if they don’t eat properly, they might not have enough energy to play or study. Making them understand the ‘why’ behind our words can work wonders.
4. Give Them Your Undivided Attention
With the hustle and bustle of life, this might seem challenging. But it’s crucial. When our child is talking to us, we should ensure to put our phone down, mute the TV, and focus completely on them. By doing so, it sends them a clear message: “You are important to me.”
By simply being present, we show our children that we care about their feelings and what they have to say. This deepens our connection and ensures they don’t seek validation elsewhere.
5. Being the Role Model They Need
“Do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t cut it anymore. Our children watch us, picking up on our habits and values. If I want my child to be honest, kind, and respectful, I must exhibit these qualities myself.
Whether it’s how I treat the house help, how I interact with my spouse, or even how I handle stress – my child is always watching. Being a good role model is about showcasing the values and morals we wish to instill in them. It’s about walking the talk.
Conclusion
In the end, our aim is to raise well-rounded, confident, and respectful individuals. And while the journey isn’t always smooth, with patience, understanding, and mutual respect, we can guide our kids in the right direction. Remember, our children might outgrow our laps, but they should never outgrow our hearts. Let’s nurture them with love, care, and genuine respect.
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