Earlier today, as I scrolled leisurely through my Facebook feed, a particular post from one of the few people I genuinely admire caught my eye. Victor Ruth is not just someone I follow for the fun of it; his insights on relationships, parenting, & childhood trauma often resonate with me, and today was no exception. He dropped some wisdom that I feel compelled to expand upon for all of you. In his words:
“Four things you should never feel guilty/shame for demanding in a relationship. Accountability. Transparency. Quality communication. Solid boundaries.”
Victor Ruth
Taking a moment to let that sink in, I realized that these four qualities were, indeed, pillars of any meaningful and lasting relationship. So, let’s dive into each one, shall we?
1. Accountability
In a relationship, accountability means taking responsibility for one’s actions and decisions. It’s not just about admitting when you’re wrong, but it’s also about understanding how your choices might affect your partner. I’ve seen many relationships crumble because one party refused to own up to their mistakes or, worse, played the blame game. If I’m in a relationship, I expect my partner to let me know when they’ve erred and vice versa. It’s a two-way street, after all. This creates a trust foundation that’s hard to break.
Demanding accountability doesn’t mean you’re being difficult; it’s about ensuring both parties play fair. If I make a mistake, I expect my partner to call me out, and I’d do the same. This mutual accountability strengthens the bond and ensures both parties work towards a better relationship.
2. Transparency
Being transparent means that you’re open about your feelings, your past, and your intentions. It’s like letting your partner see through you without any hidden agendas. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that secrets can be relationship killers. The moment there’s a hidden agenda, trust begins to erode.
When I’m transparent with my partner, it shows that I trust them enough to reveal my true self, warts and all. Similarly, when my partner is transparent with me, it assures me that they have nothing to hide. This openness builds trust like nothing else can.
3. Quality Communication
Everyone says communication is key, but let’s be real – it’s quality communication that matters. I can talk all day with my partner about the weather, but that won’t strengthen our bond. Quality communication is about understanding, actively listening, and empathizing with each other.
If there’s something bothering me, I find it best to address it head-on rather than letting it simmer. It’s essential to voice concerns, share feelings, and discuss dreams and aspirations. These deeper conversations, where I truly connect with my partner, make all the difference.
4. Solid Boundaries
Every individual has their boundaries, and in a relationship, it’s vital to understand and respect these limits. Just because two people come together doesn’t mean they should lose their individuality. I’ve always believed that love thrives when both partners have space to breathe and grow.
Setting boundaries isn’t about pushing someone away; it’s about drawing a line that ensures both partners feel safe and respected. Whether it’s about personal space, time with friends, or even past traumas, setting clear boundaries ensures both parties feel understood and valued.
In Conclusion
Relationships can be tricky, but they’re also one of the most rewarding experiences in life. Demanding these four qualities – accountability, transparency, quality communication, and solid boundaries – isn’t about being high maintenance. It’s about ensuring that the relationship is built on a solid foundation of trust, understanding, and mutual respect. And honestly, isn’t that what we all want?
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